Why It’s Hard for Families with Disabilities to Attend Church and How You Can Help

It’s back-to-school season. And with the summer winding down and families getting back into the weekly routine, many families begin attending church regularly again or for the first time. Just as there are challenges for families with disabilities transitioning back to school, beginning to attend church every Sunday can present its own difficulties.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau “Disability and American Families Report,” about 2 out of every 7 families surveyed reported at least one family member as having at least one type of disability. That’s 28.9% of families in America! Almost a third. Sadly, the makeup of many Christian congregations on Sunday mornings does not come close to reflecting this statistic. As a mother of a child with various disabilities, I can personally say there are several factors that decrease the probability of these families attending church. Here are the top four reasons why it’s hard for families with disabilities to attend church and ways you can help.

1. It’s Difficult to Find a Fit

When families are looking for a new church home, they visit congregations hoping to find a community that will be a good fit for every member of the family. When a family member has disabilities, more factors need to be considered.

For example, if there’s a physical or mobility disability, the church will need to be accessible. Or if a child has an intellectual disability or a developmental disorder, the church will need to be able to provide added support in the children’s programming.

If a child has autism or sensory processing disorder, a large contemporary worship service might be too loud or overstimulating.

But a smaller church might not be able to provide a volunteer to support the child in the children’s ministry. Or a family member with a hearing impairment will need someone to communicate in sign language. Unfortunately, some families simply give up on ever finding a church that will work for them.

How you can help:

Next Sunday, look around at the families in attendance. Consider what types of disabilities you observe and what types of disabilities you aren’t seeing. Be curious about why families with these types of disabilities are not represented. Remember, you cannot always see mental health disorders, cognitive disabilities, learning disorders, or other disabilities. What needs do you see?

• Consider the sound level of your services if the music is loud.
• Begin a discussion with other church members. If you don’t already have a disability team/committee, consider forming one.
• Brainstorm responses to this question: What steps could your church take to make your congregation more welcoming for disability families?
• Learn Five Ways Your Church Can Prepare to Love Families with Special Needs at Key Ministry.

2. The Child or Loved One is Unable to Attend

Even if the family has found a church in which they feel comfortable, their family member with disabilities may not be able to leave the home or come to church. This may be true for just some Sundays or every Sunday morning. In these cases, a parent or family member would need to stay at home to care for their child or loved one, and they would be unable to attend church, themselves.

Circumstances that might prevent church attendance include: medical fragility, unmanageable behaviors, severe anxiety, or required medical equipment.

The family may not have the needed vehicle to transport their loved one. Perhaps a parent has a disability that prevents them from driving.

How you can help:

• Offer to sit with the family member at home in order to allow the other family members the opportunity to attend church. This may involve learning how to operate medical equipment or manage challenging behaviors.
• Or, it may be appropriate to offer to pick up and drive the family to and from church. This may involve securing a van with a wheelchair ramp.

3. It’s Too Stressful Getting Their Loved One Ready

Challenging behaviors, constant care needs, or necessary medical interventions add to the time and energy required to get the family in the car to go to church. Add in the needs of other young children or a spouse with a disability, and you have one tired parent. I’ve been at the point that I’m so frustrated or exhausted by the time we are all ready that it’s difficult to still go. Or other times we’ve ended up running so late we’ve decided not to go.

Sometimes for disability parents, it can feel impossible to get out the door on Sunday morning.

How you can help:

• Offer to come help on Sunday mornings.
• You could make or bring breakfast, assist with caring for the loved one with disabilities, or help with the other children.

4. The Family Feels Like a Burden on the Church

Many questions and feelings can arise for disability families as they walk into a church, especially for the first time. Will we be accepted? What if this happens, and I become embarrassed? Anxiety about potential awkward moments or conversations can keep families from working up the courage to ever even step foot in the building.

Then when they get in the car to leave, sadness and disappointment can really hurt.

How you can help:

• Open the doors for them and express that you are so glad the family came.
• Ask how you can support them and what needs they have.
• Encourage other church members to welcome the family.
• Be friendly, act interested, offer to help, don’t make assumptions.
• And whatever you do—don’t avoid the family because you’re afraid that you might say the wrong thing.

Above all, just love on the families. Get to know them, and try to see things from their perspective. Just help make them feel welcome and supported in any way you can. If you become aware of a need, advocate to church leadership to try to address this need.

Learn more ways to support families with disabilities.

How does your church reach out to families with disabilities?

Please share in the comments below.

Blessings,

Kristin

Kristin Faith Evans, MA, MS, LMSW

Kristin is an author, a speaker, a mental health therapist, and a special needs mom. Her greatest passion is walking with others on their journey to deeper faith and emotional healing. As a Licensed Masters Social Worker and with her Masters in Christian Education, she has served in youth, camping, and retreat ministries and is experienced in Christian counseling, couples and family therapy, substance abuse treatment, and crisis counseling. Kristin lives with her husband, Todd, and their two children in the Nashville, TN area. When she is not enjoying life with her family, writing or working with clients, you can find Kristin training for triathlons, reading, or simply being out in nature. Visit her author website at www.KristinFaithEvans.com.