The added stresses and less time together can wear on the marriage relationship for couples caring for children with medical conditions or disabilities. For numerous reasons, one area of the relationship that is most often impacted is sexual intimacy. Trust us—we’ve been there. But there’s good news! There are simple ways you can rekindle that spark even while caring for your child with special needs. Try one of these top 3 ways to enrich your sexual intimacy today.
The additional needs of your child can easily take up all your time to talk as a couple. One way to strengthen your marriage is to agree on a daily time to check in with one another. This time is only about you as a couple and focusing on each other—not about your child’s needs.
Ask your spouse how they are doing, how you can better support them, and express care for how they are feeling. Try to seek to listen and understand before speaking and trying to be heard. Spending even just 5 to 10 minutes a day can make a significant difference in building trust and deepening your emotional connection. Commit to this daily check-in time as a priority, and you will likely begin to experience closer emotional intimacy.
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Chronic stress lowers libido and sexual enjoyment in 80% to 90% of both men and women!1 When you experience stress on a daily basis, it keeps your body’s stress response system activated. In order for disability parents to experience increased interest in sex, one of the main steps to take is managing the stress and calming your bodies’ stress response system. How do you do that? Here are some simple ways you can calm your nervous systems (choose one):
- Go for a walk together
- Exercise if you can
- Engage in a hobby you enjoy
- Practice deep breathing throughout the day
- Listen to a guided mindfulness-based stress reduction exercise
- Talk to one another about your stress
- Laugh together
- Talk to a friend or counselor
Research shows disability parents have more negative interactions and less positive moments of connection.2 Adding in just a couple of little moments of affection and quality communication can make a BIG difference in deepening your emotional intimacy which helps prime your desire for physical intimacy (especially for moms). Here’s some quick and easy ways to boost the positive energy in your marriage:
- Send your spouse a message to ask how their day is going or just to say you’re thinking about them and love them
- Thank your spouse in a creative way
- Take time to hug and take deep breaths together
- Kiss passionately for a few seconds
- Share a joke
- Hug your spouse
- Flirt or give a genuine complement
- Complete one of your spouse’s chores
- Hold hands
- Look into your spouse’s eyes
- Snuggle for a couple of minutes
Try one of these simple ways to boost your sexual intimacy and watch the positive energy in your relationship ignite!
Dr. Todd and Kristin Evans are celebrating 23 years of marriage. They are award-winning authors, national speakers, and special needs parents. Their new book, How to Build a Thriving Marriage as You Care for Children with Disabilities has been featured in Christianity Today and Today’s Christian Living. They both earned their MA in Christian Educational Ministries at Wheaton College in Illinois and have served together in full-time ministry in church, camping, and retreat settings. Todd received his PhD from Vanderbilt University’s School of Engineering and currently manages his own business, and Kristin earned her MSW from the University of Tennessee and is a Licensed Master Social Worker experienced in couples, child and family, substance abuse, and crisis counseling. They enjoy traveling and the outdoors together.
References
- Emily, Nagoski, Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2015). ↩︎
- Sigan L. Hartley, Leann S. DaWalt, and Haley M. Schultz, “Daily Couple Experiences and Parent Affect in Families of Children with Versus Without Autism,” Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders 47, no. 6 (June 2017): 1645-1658, https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-017-3088-2. ↩︎
Disability Parenting