How to Heal When You’re Angry at God

“Kristin, you haven’t talked about your faith in a while. How’s your relationship with God?” My therapist looked at me with concern in his eyes.

I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks. “I have no desire to talk to God.”

“Them’s fighten words!”

“I don’t even want to go to church anymore.”

“Sounds like you’re angry. Very angry.”

Angry? No. I can’t be angry with God. That’s not allowed. It’s blasphemy.

“No. I’m not angry. I just don’t believe that God’s good anymore.” My flat tone echoed in my ears. I never thought that I’d hear those words come out of my mouth.

“What hurts the most?”

“How could God let our daughter suffer like this?” My fiery words mixed with hot tears streaming down my face.

“Kristin, your anger’s eating you alive, fueling your depression. You’ve got to deal with this pain in a healthy way.”

Bethany Grace, my severely disabled daughter, was 2 ½ years old when I sat on my therapist’s couch having this intense conversation.

He was exactly right. I had never admitted my anger—not to myself, not to anyone else, and certainly not to God. That unhealthy avoidance of dealing with my spiritual pain and confusion had been eating at me for almost three years. I learned that letting anger simmer, especially anger towards God, only causes heartache.

These aren’t four quick and easy steps like some of my posts. You’re entering a process. Or you may already be in the middle of it. It hasn’t been an easy journey for me to spiritual healing. Partly because I waited so long to be willing to begin step one. But because I journeyed through this process, I’ve discovered deeper faith and intimacy with God than I had ever imagined possible.

I hope these four steps help you journey deeper into healing your relationship with God.

Step One: Acknowledge Your Thoughts and Emotions

The first step towards healing is acknowledging your pain. This was the hardest step for me. You might be thinking, “I can’t admit that I’m angry with God. That’s not allowed.” or “Being angry with God is a sin.” What I realized is that God already knows what we’re thinking and feeling. And trying to deny or hide only distances us more from God.

“Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything” (1 John 3:20, NLT).

Talk to someone–a trusted friend, another parent, a pastoral counselor, a therapist.

Shame thrives in the secret places in our hearts. But when we speak our dark thoughts and feelings out loud to another person, guilt and shame lose their power. Read more about how to break free from guilt and shame.

Step Two: Pray About Your Pain

Being separated from God was agonizing for me. When I finally did begin to pray again, I realized that by avoiding God, I had been missing meeting with my Wonderful Counselor and Healer. No wonder I was so miserable and feeling lost and confused.

God warns against letting anger control us or letting the sun go down while we’re still angry (Ephesians 4:26). Anger can be poisonous. But when we’re honest with God, He can heal our heartache and free us from the chains of bitterness.

“O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up.

You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head” (Psalm 139:1-2, 4-5, NLT).

Praying through Scriptures, asking someone to pray with you, and attending a Christian support group for caregivers can help you process your intense feelings and faith struggles.

Step Three: Receive God’s Comfort

Pouring out our hearts to God frees us to receive His comfort, strength, peace, and blessings. I had been so closed off to accepting anything from God. But when I began to open up again, He began to fill me with new hope. I started to feel Him with me, comforting me.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18, NIV).

This verse began to bring me comfort over and over. I couldn’t understand why I had to live through this painful experience; but I realized that God was right there with me. Closer than I could feel. I believe that He may have even been crying with me.

Step Four: Release and Trust God

I had lived in depressing anger and bitterness for years. After I began to talk and pray about my spiritual pain and opened up to God again, then I was ready. One afternoon I was in the state park near our house when I came upon a stunning lakeshore. The beauty of the scene overwhelmed me. How could God create something so beautiful but let my daughter suffer? I thought one more time about this theological dilemma that had tortured me for years.

And then, I released my need to understand or find an answer. I chose to fully trust God with all of my thoughts and emotions.

This moment of choosing to trust God and let go lightened my heart.

When we trust God with our most intimate and painful thoughts and emotions, we invite Him to help us. Our Healing Counselor wants us to draw closer to Him so He can fill us with His hope, love, and joy.

This is a prayer that might help you meet with God:

“Wonderful Counselor, I believe that you are right here with me. Even though you already know my painful thoughts and emotions, I bring them to you. I confess my anger and bitterness towards you and desire to receive your healing in their place. I don’t understand, but I’m choosing to trust you from this moment on. In Jesus name, Amen.”

What’s helped heal your relationship with God?

Make sure to share your experience in the comments section below.

Blessings,

Kristin

Kristin Faith Evans, MA, MS, LMSW

Kristin is an author, a speaker, a mental health therapist, and a special needs mom. Her greatest passion is walking with others on their journey to deeper faith and mental health wholeness. As a Licensed Masters Social Worker and with her Masters in Christian Spiritual Formation, she has served in youth, camping, and retreat ministries and is experienced in Christian counseling, couples and family therapy, substance abuse treatment, and crisis counseling. Kristin lives with her husband, Todd, and their two children in the Nashville, TN area. When she is not enjoying life with her family, writing or working with clients, you can find Kristin training for triathlons, reading, or simply being out in nature. Visit her author website at www.KristinFaithEvans.com.