Hope for When You’re Hurting for Your Child

Sometimes the pain of watching our children suffer can seem unbearable. We can feel helpless to do anything to help them, save them.

We’d gladly take their pain and struggles from them and make it our own–if we could. How do we find hope in the midst of this suffering?

We know that these ideas cannot completely heal your pain. But we pray that these practices will bring you hope as you’re hurting for your child.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed” (Psalm 34:18).

Your child may be struggling with medical, physical, developmental, mental health, or any other number and type of difficult circumstances. Watching them struggle and hurt can cause a riptide of hard emotions for us as parents.

These are some ways that you can find some peace, comfort, joy, and healing in the midst of your difficult circumstances. These are not linear steps. Rather, we journey through a continual process of interweaving these practices.

Allow Yourself to Feel

Sometimes our feelings of guilt can prevent us from believing that we should allow ourselves to feel the hard emotions and have the thoughts that we’re thinking.

But the emotions and thoughts are there–constantly impacting us and how we interact with our children.

It’s okay to cry and let it out.

If we don’t give ourselves permission to acknowledge our emotions and give them a voice, then we can begin to experience symptoms of depression and anxiety.

It’s important to return to the present moment after giving ourselves a break to cry. Simply go back to your day and focus on doing one thing at a time.

We still have to take care of ourselves emotionally, mentally, and physically for both our own selves and for the sake of our children. They need us–our best us.

We have to balance our children’s care needs, medical needs, and need for their parents. At the same time, we’re grieving and trying to manage the day-to-day. That’s why it’s critical to manage grief in healthy ways.

Validate Your Circumstances and Emotions

It makes sense that you’re feeling this way considering all that you’ve been through and are still going through. Consider your current circumstances. Say to yourself, “This is really hard. Anyone would probably be having a difficult time.”

Validate yourself and your emotions.

Be kind to yourself. Say compassionate things like, “I’m doing the best that I can” or “It makes sense that I’m having these thoughts.”

For instance, if our children are suffering, the thought, “Maybe it would be better if they pass away” makes sense.

We may feel helpless to do anything to help our children. But remember, our main job as parents is to love, hold, comfort, and support our children. In the midst of their suffering and pain this can be the most important thing we do for our children.

Seek Comfort from Scripture and Prayer

It can be hard to pray on hard days. When it’s most difficult to go to God in prayer, those are the days that we need His comfort and strength the most.

We encourage you to say even just a one sentence prayer. Then sit in God’s presence for a little bit listening and resting.

God is our greatest help, counselor, comforter, and healer.

Or, if you’re not able to take a couple minutes to yourself, wherever you are say one of these breath prayers:

“Lord, please be my strength.”

“Lord, please comfort my child.”

“Lord, please help me.”

“Lord, please give the doctors wisdom.”

“Lord, please work a miracle in my child’s life.”

Find hope in these prayers we’ve written especially for you

It can be difficult to want to pray when you’re angry with God. Even though we can’t see how it could be possible, God is our greatest comforter, counselor, and healer.

He is good, and He’s crying with us. Faith is sometimes believing and trusting without understanding.

We hope you find comfort in meditating on these verses of God’s promises to us:

• “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed” (Psalm 34:18).
• “But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength” (Isaiah 40:31).
• “All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3).
• “God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4).
• “The Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words” (Romans 8:26).

Find Support in Others

We know that it can be very difficult to muster the energy to reach out or find someone you feel can support you.

But it’s critical that you find a church community, a support group, a trusted friend, a family member, or a counselor–someone that can empathize and understand your pain and not minimize it or try to fix it. Ideally you would have more than one of these support systems in your life.

We are not meant to walk this difficult journey on our own.

Support from others can validate you, help you feel a little better, improve your mental health, help you process your spiritual struggles, see things in a different way, and give you new ideas. Most importantly, you won’t feel so alone.

And if you feel you can, encourage and support another parent.

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us” (2 Corinthians 1:4).

Cultivate Joy and Gratitude

It may feel impossible or wrong to experience joy or to be thankful in your present circumstances. Sometimes it can take looking for even the smallest thing for which you can express gratitude.

Maybe it’s a moment that you are spending with your child, that they’re home from the hospital, or that they are currently calm.

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain” (Revelation 2:14).

Expressing gratitude and finding little moments of joy can help your mental health, make you more resilient, and change your perspective.

What’s one way you find hope when you’re hurting for your child?

Please help other parents by sharing in the comments below.

We pray blessings for your family,

Todd and Kristin

All Scripture references are from the New Living Version

Todd Evans, MA, PhD & Kristin Faith Evans, MA, MS, LMSW

Todd and Kristin are celebrating twenty-one years of marriage and have two children with rare genetic disorders and complex needs. They’re passionate about empowering other parents of children with disabilities. They both earned their Masters in Christian Education at Wheaton College, co-receiving the Lois LeBar Award. They’ve served together in fulltime ministry in church, wilderness, adventure challenge, and retreat settings. Kristin is an award-winning author and a Licensed Masters Social Worker experienced in Christian, couples, child & family, and crisis counseling. They enjoy traveling and the outdoors together.