“Self-care.” Are you cringing right now? When non-caregiving parents and even other special needs parents say we need to practice self-care, it can feel like they don’t understand and are judging us.
If anyone needs to care for their physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health, it’s us as disability parents. But we are also the group of people that have very limited time, energy, or resources to care for ourselves. Sure, it’s critical we take time out to attend to our health regularly, but there are also quick and easy ways we can boost our health right where we are that can make a big difference.
DOWNLOAD our FREE Quick Guide of simple self-care practices.
These ideas may seem simple. That’s because they are.
And you don’t have to have a respite break, money, or lots of time to yourself. You can practice self-care right where you are in this moment. These activities are all based on mindfulness which is intentionally becoming fully aware of the present moment and noticing what’s going on inside your body, your mind, your emotions, and all around you.
Intentionally practicing mindfulness throughout your day can help lower your stress levels, help you cope, protect your physical health, improve your mental and emotional wellbeing, deepen your faith, and increase your parenting effectiveness. Being fully present changes the processes, development, and connections in your brain, counteracting the adverse effects of stress.
Try these four simple exercises and notice a difference in your stress levels.
1. Muscle Tensing and Relaxing
Begin with the top of your head. Notice how your head is feeling. Do you have any pain or tension? Now, raise your eyebrows and hold for 5 seconds. Relax your face. Clench your jaw and squinch your cheeks for 5 seconds. Relax. Now, tense your shoulders up to your chin as tight as you can (without pain). Hold. Hold. Drop your shoulders. Go down throughout your body tensing and relaxing each muscle group. If you have time, go back up from your toes to the top of your head.
A quick and simple exercise is to squeeze a stress ball in one hand as hard as you can for 5 seconds, then suddenly drop the ball. Repeat with your other hand.
You can go to YouTube and type “Progressive muscle relaxation meditation” to find lots of guided exercises to help you relax and lower your stress level.
2. Self-Compassion Meditation
Practicing lovingkindness and self-compassion is linked to improved mental health and higher parenting satisfaction.
Look in a mirror, and place your hand on your heart.
Inhale one slow, deep breath through your nose for 3 seconds. Hold for 3 seconds. Slowly exhale through your mouth like you’re blowing bubbles. Do this one more time.
Speaking to yourself in a kind and nurturing way, say these statements to yourself:
I am doing the best that I can to care for all of my child’s and family’s needs.
I am balancing really hard situations right now.
I am a good and loving parent.
I am enough.
You can speak any loving and supportive phrases to yourself that help you express self-compassion.
3. Observing with Your Senses
Stop to observe all that’s going on around you. What do you hear? See? Smell? Taste? Feel on your skin? Simply be in the moment as an observer. If you have a couple of minutes to go outside, stand on your porch and just watch and listen. If you’re washing dishes, feel the warm water, smell the soap, and listen to the flowing water.
Make yourself a hot drink. Feel the warmth from the mug. Breathe in the aroma of the coffee or tea.
Slowly sip noticing the flavor and enjoying the moment.
4. Releasing Breath Prayer
Praying can not only deepen your connection with God and provide you hope and strength, faith practices can also help improve your outlook on life and mental health.
As you inhale, imagine breathing in God’s very breath of life. As you exhale, give your anxieties to God.
Breathe in: “I receive your peace and calm.”
Exhale: “I release my worries to you.”
You can pray any phrases you like or recite a Bible verse. Learn 3 ways to experience God’s peace in your stressful day.
Connect with God in deeper ways and lower your stress and anxiety with our Free devotional
Choose just one of these exercises to try today. It will take regular practice and intentionality, but notice over the next couple of weeks how these simple acts of self-care can make a big difference in your day.
What’s one simple way you practice self-care? Please share your idea in the comments to help other parents!
Blessings on your journey,
Todd and Kristin
References
Gene G. Ano and Erin B. Vasconcelles, “Religious Coping and Psychological Adjustment in Stress: A Meta-Analysis,” Journal of Clinical Psychology 61, no. 4 (October 2005): 461–80, https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.20049.
Alicia Bazzano et al., “Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) for Parents and Caregivers of Individuals with Developmental Disabities: A Community-Based Approach,” Journal of Child and Family Studies 24 (February 2015): 298–308, https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-013-9836-9.
Michelle Beer, Lynn Ward, and Kathryn Moar, “The Relationship between Mindful Parenting and Distress in Parents of Children with an Autism Spectrum Disorder,” Mindfulness 4 (January 2013): 102–12, https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-012-0192-4.
Rita Benn et al., “Mindfulness Training Effects for Parents and Educators of Children with Special Needs,” Developmental Psychology 48, no. 5 (September 2012): 1476–87, https://doi.org/10.1037/a0027537.
Larissa G. Duncan, J. D. Coatsworth, and Mark T. Greenberg, “A Model of Mindful Parenting: Implications for Parent-Child Relationships and Prevention Research,” Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review 12, no. 3 (September 2009): 255–70, https://doi.org/10.1007/s10567-009-0046-3.
Laura Eubanks Gambrel and Fred P. Piercy, “Mindfulness-Based Relationship Education for Couples Expecting Their First Child—Part 2: Phenomenological Findings,” Journal of Marital and Family Therapy 41, no. 1 (January 2015): 25–41, https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12065.
Jon Kabat-Zinn and Myla Kabat-Zinn, “Mindful Parenting: Perspectives on the Heart of the Matter,” Mindfulness 12 (January 2021): 266–68, https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-020-01564-7.
Hossein Keshavarz-Afshar et al., “Relationships between Attachment to God and Marital Satisfaction, and Mental Health in Parents of Children with Special Needs,” International Journal of Behavioral Sciences 10, no. 1 (2016): 35–39.
Justin Parent and Karissa DiMarzio, “Advancing Mindful Parenting Research: An Introduction,” Mindfulness 12 (January 2021): 261–65, https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-020-01572-7.
Manika Petcharat and Patricia Liehr, “Mindfulness Training for Parents of Children with Special Needs: Guidance for Nurses in Mental Health Practice,” Journal of Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Nursing 30, no. 1 (February 2017): 35–46, https://doi.org/10.1111/jcap.12169.
Bahareh Shahabi, Rana Shahabi, and Elham Foroozandeh, “Analysis of the Self-Compassion and Cognitive Flexibility with Marital Compatibility in Parents of Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder,” International Journal of Developmental Disabilities 66, no. 4 (March 2020): 282–88, https://doi.org/10.1080/20473869.2019.1573000.
Nirbhay N. Singh et al., “Using Mindfulness to Improve Quality of Life in Caregivers of Individuals with Intellectual Disabilities and Autism Spectrum Disorder,” International Journal of Developmental Disabilities 66, no. 5 (2020): 370–80, https://doi.org/10.1080/20473869.2020.1827211.
Ryan Tobin and David M. Dunkley, “Self-Critical Perfectionism and Lower Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Predict Anxious and Depressive Symptoms over Two Years,” Behaviour Research and Therapy 136 (January 2021): 1–12, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2020.103780.
Todd and Kristin have been married for twenty-one years and have two children with rare genetic disorders and complex needs. As award-winning authors and speakers, they’re passionate about empowering other parents of children with chronic illnesses and disabilities, as well as ministry leaders and professionals serving caregivers. They both earned their Masters in Christian Spiritual Formation at Wheaton College and have served together in fulltime ministry in church, camping, and retreat settings. Kristin is a Licensed Masters Social Worker experienced in couples, child & family, substance abuse, and crisis counseling. They enjoy traveling and the outdoors together.
Disability Parenting