Validating Your Emotions
The holidays can stir up some strong emotions and sore subjects while spending time with family and friends. Waves of chronic grief about our children with disabilities often surface during the holidays as well. An important part of lowering our stress levels involves processing and coping with our emotions in healthy ways.
It can be tempting and easy to just stuff those feelings back down and go on with what we’re doing. But the more we ignore our hurts and intense emotions, the more power and stress they build. But when we are curious about our emotions and acknowledge them, the intensity and negatively can lower back down to a stable and tolerable level.
When you notice yourself becoming upset and emotionally dysregulated, take these steps to process your feelings and return to fully engaging in what you are doing.
- Stay in tune with your emotions throughout the holidays
- When you notice yourself becoming upset or a strong emotion, be curious about why that feeling has surfaced
- Think back: Did something in particular happen. Did someone say something to you? Did you have a painful thought about your child or your life?
- Name the emotion and the thought that goes along with it. Say: I am feeling __________________________ because this happened ___________________________________ and this is what I think about it ______________________________________.
- Look at all the reasons it makes sense you would have that emotion. Think about your difficult and painful circumstances. Say: “It makes sense that I might be feeling this way considering all that I’ve been through and am still going through.”
- Be kind and comforting to yourself like you would to a good friend
- Think of one way to cope with the emotion (it could be talking to the person, naming one thing you are grateful for about your child, taking a minute to deep breathe or watch a funny video clip, etc.)
- Go back to being fully present in your day
- Practice this exercise as many times as you need to throughout the day and the holidays
Dr. Todd and Kristin Evans are celebrating 22 years of marriage. They are award-winning authors, speakers, and parents of two children with complex needs. Their new book, How to Build a Thriving Marriage as You Care for Children with Disabilities will release in May 2024 by Baker Books. They both earned their MA in Christian Educational Ministries at Wheaton College in Illinois and have served together in full-time ministry in church, camping, and retreat settings. Todd received his PhD from Vanderbilt University’s School of Engineering and currently manages his own business, and Kristin earned her MSW from the University of Tennessee and is a Licensed Master Social Worker experienced in couples, child and family, substance abuse, and crisis counseling.
Disability Parenting