Gaining special education services and creating Individualized Education Programs (IEP) for our children can be stressful, emotional, and an intimidating process. I’ve realized that the more we know and prepare ahead of time, the better the process will likely go. Over the past thirteen years of advocating for my two children, I’ve learned ten simple ways to help the meeting be as successful as possible.
1. Attend Parent Trainings
One of the most valuable steps I’ve ever taken in learning to advocate for my children’s educational needs has been attending parent trainings. Hands down worth the time. These are usually based in state advocacy nonprofit centers for free or a small fee. In Tennessee, a program that really helped me is STEP (Support and Training for Exceptional Parents). They explained the IEP process and even gave me a copy of the law. I also met other parents at those trainings that I’m still friends with thirteen years later.
It’s important that we go into the school meetings knowing the state and federal laws—ours and our children’s rights. We need to understand why our children qualify for an IEP (the category of eligibility) and research the best interventions for our children’s diagnoses.
The school personnel in the meeting will know the law. It’s critical that we do, too.
Reading the procedural safeguards in advance can help us understand the next steps to take if we can’t come to an agreement during the meeting.
One of the times that our son’s three-year eligibility came up, the school stated that they thought that he no longer needed services and that a reevaluation wasn’t warranted. We ended up presenting prior written notice requesting a full psychoeducation evaluation. In this case it was necessary for us to go beyond the typical process.
2. Pray for Wisdom and Provision
This is a stressful process. It can sometimes feel like securing our children’s needed services rests on us.
I’ve found that seeking help from God brings me emotional strength, clarity of thought, and peace.
You may not consider yourself a religious person, but I encourage you to offer this simple prayer:
“God, thank you for our educational system and that my child has the opportunity to attend school. I’m asking for your help in getting the services that will best help my child reach their full potential. Please give me your wisdom, grace in my words, strength, and peace. In Jesus name, amen.”
3. Prepare and Organize
I’ve learned to prepare for the meetings. It’s helpful to bring:
- A notepad and pen: There will be a note taker, but you may want to jot down your own questions and thoughts
- A list of questions: Don’t be afraid to ask your questions and to use time discussing your concerns
- A list of the key issues: You know your child. Your input is just as important as the educational professionals.
- Your suggested goals (be specific): Look through sample IEP goals
- Relevant developmental evaluations, medical records, and recommendations from doctors and therapists
4. Bring Someone with You
I encourage you to not go alone to the meeting. I’ve witnessed the different results numerous times-sitting by myself at a long conference table with nine school staff members versus sitting beside my husband, an advocate, or a school district representative whom I invited. It can make a significant difference when someone comes with you to the meeting.
If your child’s other parent is able to attend, that might be beneficial. Or, bring someone else who’s invested in your child’s education like a grandparent or a good friend. Also consider consulting with an educational advocate and requesting they attend the meeting.
The person there supporting you can take notes for you, reiterate your points, and help you debrief the meeting.
Notify the school in advance who you are bringing with you (name and relation to your child). It’s also important to know who’s going to be at the meeting from the school and district and what their roles are.
5. Personalize Your Child
Display a photo of your child on the table. You can get a double frame, one side for your favorite pic of your child and the other side to display a list of your child’s strengths.
This visual image reminds everyone who the meeting is really about.
This is especially important when the school personnel have never met your child.
10 Tips for a Successful IEP Meeting Share on X6. Balance Assertiveness with Kindness
We can become passionate mama or papa bears about our children’s needs. In IEP meetings it can be challenging to balance being assertive with remaining collaborative. I’ve been in many situations in which it was necessary for me to directly ask for what my child needed when no else around the table seemed to agree.
I’ve learned to pair my requests with complements and kindness.
These are some phrases that I’ve found effective:
“I know that all of us around this table want the very best for Beth.”
“I really appreciate your time and commitment to giving Beth the best education possible.”
“I realize that these are the evaluation results and your professional opinion. At the same time, looking at Beth’s progress, it’s clear that these goals do not take into account her full potential.”
“Thank you for your time.”
Sometimes we work with the same principals, speech therapists, occupational therapists, etc. for several years. Maintaining collaborative relationships with school personnel will benefit our children in the long run.
7. Breathe and Smile
Sometimes these meetings can be intense and long. Taking slow, deep breaths can help us remain calm and focused. It can be painful listening to the psychological evaluation results—hearing our children’s estimated IQ and their “present levels of performance.”
If we smile periodically, it signals our brains to stay positive which will help keep us on track with accomplishing our goals.
8. Don’t Feel Pressured
It’s important to know your rights. Unless you understand and feel comfortable with all that’s been gone over, don’t feel pressured to sign at the end of the meeting
You can request a draft of the IEP to take home to review before signing.
And remember, you have the right to request a follow-up team meeting to review your child’s progress.
9. Debrief the Meeting
This may have been a really stressful and emotional day for you. Even leading up to this day, the stress and emotions have likely built. Allow yourself to cry, talk to a friend, and take a break. Remember to take care of yourself.
And celebrate success and your great job of advocating for your child!
10. Send Follow-up Emails
Most likely a lot was discussed in the conference. It’s important to follow-up in writing after the meeting. Let the dust settle for a couple of days then send emails in order to:
- Thank the staff members for their time
- Reiterate the action steps
- Send any requested documents or information
What tip would you add to this list?
Please share your ideas in the comments section.
Blessings,
Kristin
Resources
American Psychological Association (APA)
STEP, Inc. (Support and Training for Exceptional Parents-example from TN)
Center for Parent Information & Resources
Special Education Support Center
Kristin Faith Evans, MA, MS, LMSW
Kristin is an author, a speaker, a mental health therapist, and a special needs mom. Her greatest passion is walking with others on their journey to deeper faith and emotional healing. As a Licensed Masters Social Worker and with her Masters in Christian Education, she has served in youth, camping, and retreat ministries and is experienced in Christian counseling, couples and family therapy, substance abuse treatment, and crisis counseling. Kristin lives with her husband, Todd, and their two children in the Nashville, TN area. When she is not enjoying life with her family, writing or working with clients, you can find Kristin training for triathlons, reading, or simply being out in nature. Visit her author website at www.KristinFaithEvans.com.
Disability Parenting
This is very informative and practical. Thank you for sharing this!
Thank you for reading and for your feedback!
Wow! This article is packed with a wealth of practical, helpful information obviously gathered over a span of years for parents who need to advocate for their special needs children. Invaluable information!
Thank you for reading and for your support!